what i haven't learned

i've learned vast amounts in the past 29 years, that's for goddamn sure. still, there seem to be some simple things that i just can't get my head around. for example, i can't walk for more than 10-12 months without spraining an ankle or two. if y'all remember correctly, the last one mentioned on this'n here blow-gauge took place in cambodia (glass ankles), at the most famous o' wats. since then there's been two. funny enough, since 2008, i've sprained an ankle every march. 2011 stepped it up a notch... the most recent (and it's pretty fuckin recent) is a minor sprain of the left anterior ligament, and oughtta heal up before too long. got me an L size brace and can still rock the wheels without too much trouble.

on to fluids. i am NEVER without potable liquid. it's a habit that i developed sometime in college. coffee, water, beer, o-juice, you name it. this being the case, i always drink from the largest containers around. considering all of the facts, one might think that i'm pretty good at pouring beverages into my mouth. alas, 10-12 times monthly, i miss my lips at least partially, increasing the urgency of the next laundry load.

moving on once again to jerks. this one i'm coming around on, but i still lack sizeable balls to say no to aaaassholes. sometime during childhood emerged an unrealistic fear of confrontation, and it haunts me to this day. coupled with the fact that i prefer to be a nice guy... you get the picture.

i almost always forget to smile at girls as well. the stares received in this narrow land are plentiful. when it's old men, looking as though i'm the spawn of satan, it can be pretty annoying. however, when it's young beautiful women, wondering if i'm the second coming of christ, my spirits lift appropriately. i often stare back, but mistakenly keep a straight face, as if to telepathically say "hi, i'm boring". in most cases, i just end up looking creepy. "shit!" i tell myself. "you forgot to smile again." i'd say this roughly occurs 10-12 times per week.

thankfully, the list of things i HAVE learned trumps this list by at least ten or twelve items. moreover, at my advanced age, i still retain the 'bility the acquire new, improved knowledge. i just remain astonished that some basic functions haven't yet come naturally.

inyways..... my life in graphics!!!

delicious grub.

went hiking along this abandoned-ass train line not so far from where i lay my hat. about 10-12 tunnels, no lights, all about 10-12 hundred meters long.

abandoned-ass bridge.

pretty good movement outta the waters around here. saw some suckers in the flats, not much else.

HEADS!! WITH FEET!!

all too familiar.

my awesome view. if it's getting old, just let me know...

night moves.

the man himself.

people.

a pretty cool tree, all sculpted and whatnot.

a pretty big christmas tree.

MY fuckin tree. view from loft.

my tree again. view from carpet.

scared the shit out of me.

this cool bubble fountain. i dug it.

back catalogue

bloggin's pretty far off the radar these days. however, i do so often get the notion. i'm hoping to get back into the groove. here goes a new layout n' some photes:

this is what it's all about. THE TRAIN. it works well here.

sweet ass view of my sweet ass town.

 there's this bridge with a glass bottomed floor that you can walk on. although a bit sketchy, i took solace in the thought that some sumo wrestler had most likely previously stood in the same spot. coupled with J-street engineering efficiency, i felt moderately safe.

the longest suspension bridge in the world, as not shown on wikipedia. i tried to get in on yonder excursion, but alas, i couldn't exactly blend in. i'll bring a hard hat next time.

gotta be careful in the elevators around here.

photo taken from my favorite ferry. i cried for seven solid days upon hearing of said ferry's demise. you see, the bridge toll was recently reduced in an effort to boost (automobile) tourism. with the standard illogical covetousness o' western frivolousness, folks flocked to the pedal, and thus the efficient and cost-effective ferry days dwindled. a buyout, a bankruptcy, and a stockholder revival since, i'll contentedly be on a boat again come march.

rice.

this was some sweet ass shrine in more or less the middle of nowhere. as exploration is easily a tertiary motive for every decision i make, i figured what the fuck.

PUT MONEY IN MY BOX 'CAUSE I'M ANGRY!!

could you put some money in my box please?

the best thing about this joint was the lack of people. other than the deafening cicada, there really wasn't a whole lot goin on.

more rice and whatnot. actually, i suppose these are more like vines and tubers.

safety is key.

especially when you got a dog. don't forget your fuckin' tackle though.

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Terebi

I love watching J street news. It let's me know that there is definitely some shit happening. Somewhere. I think most of it's in japan. Today there are mad flash floods and landslides and shit, most definitely results of the recent flurry of sweet sweaty storms.

Sat on the balcony in my draws last night until umbrella-san damn near flipped wrongways. Needless to say, I love me some heavy rains.

Garden's never much thirsty, and withstanding the winds with a bit of buttressing and some periodic minor repairs. Harvest's a-closin, and there's still three months of growin season.

golden oldies

yesterday marked the last of a string of national holidays. all of my students, upon interrogation, didn't much care what the holidays were, only that they were in fact days off of work. this is a common phenomenon with most holidays here, well reflecting the national workoholic attitude. for those interested, in succession, it went:

4/29 - previous emperor's birthday (the current's is also celebrated, 12/23)

5/3 - constitution day (when the long, skinny land was wrangled from the depths of feudal lawlessness)

5/4 - green day (a bit like earth day. i find it less important, because japan, as a state, is way more environmentally conscious than most others)

5/5 - children's day (a total fucking misnomer. it's only celebrated if you have a boy. in the ladies' defense, however, march 3rd is reserved for celebrating womanhood.)

collectively this is known as Golden Week. this particular year, 5/1 and 5/2 fell on a weekend, so much long-lasting fun was had by all. especially me. it went a little somethin' like this:

i wrapped up thursday around 9:45, then headed for osaka to catch the 11:30 night bus to hiroshima. the night bus is by far the cheapest way to travel most places. i heard nothing but complaints from peeps about the lack of sleep and whatnot. i thought it was fine. i didn't sleep much, but, as previously stated, it was REALLY fuckin cheap.

got to hiroshima round about 7 in the am and set out on the exploration tip. walked around a bit, took the following photos:

the place quite reminded me o' p-town. there are a few rivers running through it, everybody rides bikes, and a couple hundred thousand of it's inhabitants were needlessly murdered once. no wait, maybe just the river and the bikes part.

also there were mountains nearby. this is a common feature of most places on J-street.

this was the first thing to... i keep saying "blow me away", but only for lack of a better phrase. i mean no disrespect by it; it just fits. this is a panoramic photo of the "city" shortly after the attack. you'll notice that almost nothing is left standing. everything within a mile was completely fucked.

atop the monument, you'll notice a whole bunch of paper cranes. these are in memoriam of a girl who developed lukemia after the bombing. she very much didn't want to die, and there is a japanese legend that if you fold 1,000 paper cranes, your wish will come true. she died before folding all 1,000 though.

center: genbaku domu, or atomic bomb dome. 'twas the closest building to the blast to remain standing.

little boy exploded about 500 meters from yon' building. the river here is quite famous. after the temperature on the ground reach roughly 3000°C, a lot of people started looking for water. their skin was melting off, and they weren't too comfortable. some people made it to the river (which was also incredibly fucking hot), and some just piled up on it's banks. pretty much all of them died.

this is the Aioi bridge right by the dome-piece. T-shaped, it was easily visible from the sky, and was the determined target. homeboy came pretty close. neither horseshoes nor hand grenades, but effective either way.

this is a clock tower across the river from the dome-ski. every day at 8:15 am, the clock chimes. this is the exact time of the explosion on august 6, 1945. friday morning, i happened to be walking right past this clock at that time. it really put things into perspective. i looked around at folks sitting on park benches and biking to work. just like any other day.

what i basically gathered was this:
japan was a broken country long before the bombing. germany had fallen, and japan would inevitably find no alternative. the war was pretty much over. america had multiple options for securing an end to the war. they could have invaded japan troop-style, perhaps costing the lives of up to a couple thousand people who volunteered to die for their country in battle. they also could have renegotiated the terms of surrender they proposed to japan. they were a bit unreasonable to begin with, and basically granted japan no rights.

in reality, america had invested a billion dollars and a whole bunch of man power in "the bomb". the combination of man's ruthless curiosity and the need to justify such cost to the american public pretty much paved the way for the unbridled destruction of life. interestingly, when the set of potential targets was chosen, all further air raids on the targets were cancelled. these fuckin pricks wanted to have a clean slate so they could witness and document the full effects of the bomb. hiroshima was chosen because it housed a fairly major military installation, had a landscape that would minimally hinder the atomic bomb's annihilation, and didn't contain any POW camps. god forbid a couple of captive american soldiers die amidst HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of innocent japanese people.

before visiting hiroshima, i was a bit worried that i would feel embarrassed due to my nationality. thirty seconds after entering the museum, all semblance of birth place was forgotten, and i remain in disbelief that people from any country could authorize, execute, and benefit from such an action.

after some sobering morning exploration, miyajima was in the sights. this is an island close to hiroshima, supposedly harboring on of the 3 best views in japan. took the ferry over, shot the following:

itsukushima shrine. built mad long ago. very famous. made of wood.

tall building with five floors. i'm running out of steam on the caption tip...

view of miyajima from miyajima.

this Hugh Jass temple on miyajima. all open, all wood. it was raining a bit at this time, which added to the ambience.

another view of the temple. it was pretty neat!

there was a priest here a long time ago who developed the revolutionary rice paddle that we all know and love today. his innovative design spread like mononucleosis in a junior high school, and rendered miyajima somewhat of a celebrity. there are oversized replicas like this one all over the place.

part of a network of temples in the tidal flats.

yet another view of the shrine made famous by japanese postcards. miyajima was overall incredibly beautiful. the only trifling thing was the deer. deer in japan are a national treasure, and mustn't be harmed. as a result, they are way too fucking tame, and try to eat all of your apples. right out of your hand. i got into a bit of a skirmish with one of them. i think it was more used to high-pitched screaming and cringing, and not so much to having 'bows dropped on it's face-piece. score one for lil' mikey...

stayed that night at an internet cafe. i mentioned this in my previous post. hands down the coolest place i've ever stayed. although exhausted, i stayed up watching movies and eating ice cream.

here's what it looked like. sweet padded floor with a bean bag chair, electrical outlet, and wastebasket. a shower cost four bucks.

took the bus back to kobe in the evening, much shorter than the night bus. worked the next day, then took a serious hike on this island to camp for a night with some buds. next morning headed back mainland to meet up with a student who wanted to take me to a tea ceremony. unshowered, wearing shorts and short-sleeves, i rushed up to her car. inside i found three beautiful women dressed in full kimono, and immediately felt as though i'd slightly under dressed for the occasion. i suppose it was expected that i wouldn't get it right (being a foreigner and all), but i felt disappointed in myself that i played right into the stereotype.

anyway, the tea ceremony was one of the sweetest experiences i've had in japan to date. even the women i was with had never experienced such a traditional event. the guy whose house we went to was basically mad rich, and had a tea ceremony room built into his house/garden. super private, super traditional.

his backyard was designed by some famous landscape architect and has been featured on television programs. there were multiple paths, and they used traditional markers such as this to kindly show which way not to go.

another marker, after being removed from the path (to let us know it was time to go down said path).

my man collects antiques. seriously. inside was like a museum, with spot-lit glass cases and the like. he even had an autographed photo of gerald ford.

sweet back yard, hella-scaped.

afterward, i was treated to a traditional japanese dinner at this super sweet restaurant. clockwise from top left: tempura rice-type thing, raw horse tongue, rare beef with tasty sauce, tempura spinach, seaweed in thick broth, tomato with cheese/bean combo stuffing, tempura lotus root with spicy mustard. it was BAD ASS.

apologies for the awful picture quality. mostly i just want to drive home what an asshole i was, and also how sweet it was to hang out with kimono-clad ladies for an afternoon.

in summation, the past week kicked tons of ass. i'd say that i'm now living the shit out of the dream. also, if you've ever supported war, for whatever reason, please visit hiroshima.

cyber sleep

comin at ya live, mid-hiroshima trip, with a quick update:

i've decided that i'll never stay in another hotel again, so long as there's an internet cafe nearby. for about $20, you get 9 hours in this sweet little booth with a bean bag chair, computer, pillows, and blankets. all the dvds you can watch, cheap showers, and unlimited soft-serve and whiskey and coke. ok, you have to provide the whiskey, but i ain't kiddin about the ice cream.

it's easily the coolest place i've ever stayed, and quite possibly the cheapest (relative to the local GDP, naturally).

相撲

before making my home the J, i had but three images of this long, skinny place. Samurai, Sushi, and Sumo. sushi is old news at best, as i easily ate it more often in God's Country than here it's native land. samurai are quite hard to come by these days, although i did see a bunch of dudes dressed like ninjas during my last visit to himeji castle. thus, of my cultural japanese experiences was left sumo. (i understand that geisha can be found on occasion hurriedly wandering the streets of kyoto, but as "geisha" doesn't start with "s", it doesn't fit into my sweet quip.)

after much prodding from my incredibly astute brother (recently more commonly referred to as "bro-san"), i decided to inherit his initiative. i quickly discovered that the 2010 March Grand Sumo Tournament was to be held in Osaka, more or less the next city over. more importantly, the cheap seats only cost two grand. i was on it at once.

i enlisted the help of a real japanese person to help me understand the finer points of the national sport. unfortunately, we arrived too late for the nosebleeds, and had to shell out a few extra G's. as usual when it comes to money, i thought "fuck it". "when's the next time i'll get to see sumo?" i said. indeed, possibly the best money yet spent in this great, long, skinny land. i quickly realized the next time i'll get to see sumo will hopefully be incredibly soon...

here are some of the day's highlights:

front of osaka prefectural gymnasium. didn't look like much, but housed some of the biggest asians i've ever seen. there were so many gaijin (aliens; foreigners) attending the event, at times i felt i was in NYC or something. on one street corner, i actually felt i was a part of the majority. i've recently been asking every japanese person i know if they've been to sumo or not. mostly the response is "no". further explanation is almost always the same. they explain that a long time ago, the best rikishi (sumo wrestlers) were japanese. now, most of the really good ones are gaijin, and this bothers many of the natives. i generally implore them to simply eat more, and try a bit harder.

outside and inside, there were tons of rikishi. my jaw dropped at every single one of them. "holy shit! it's a sumo wrestler!!! wow, there's another!" it went on like this for HOURS.

the matches start at something like 8:45 in the AM. there aren't more than 10 people in the crowd until round about 2. these guys are represent the lower level, and don't bother much with all the fancy showmanship. pretty much all biznass with these malnourished mofos.

two words.... MIS MATCH. little man got bounced with the quickness.

this is the scoreboard. the top row reps "nishi" (west), and the bottom row reps "higashi" (east). each pair is a match. i couldn't read any of it.

prior to the main event, all the higher level dudemen come out and parade around the ring.

the crowd gathers around 3, the telecast begins around 4.

gaijin standoff. homeboy on the left is Kotoshu, an abnormally large bulgarian. other guy is Baruto from estonia. he pretty much cleaned up this tournament, and subsequently got promoted to the next skill level (ozeki). both of them have a solid shot at being the first european yokozuna. speaking of estonia, anyone remember encino man? i always thought they made that country up.

at the beginning of every match, this guy gets up and sings "nishi" followed by the rikishi's name, then "higashi" followed by the rikishi's name. then the mentioned wrestlers enter the ring and prep themselves for battle.

yokozuna is the highest achievable skill level. last month, the sumo world was shocked by the news of asashoryu's retirement. he was a mongorian yokozuna with an attitude problem, and was more or less forced to withdraw by the incredibly conservative sumo community. imagine if every american football player who fucked up off the field were forced to quit playing. it's kind of like that. anyways, this is hakuho, currently the only yokozuna. he is also mongorian. it's my understanding that they have a sport quite similar to sumo there, which is why so many of them kick ass.

this is my main man. takamisakari is reppin' nishi (left side). i don't really have a good reason for favoring him. i've seen him on TV outside of the ring wearing glasses, which maybe makes him seem a bit deeper than most. he's a crowd pleaser, as you can tell. he lost this match, but he was the most spectacular loser of the whole day.

here go a prime example of the build-up. for the seasoned viewer, the time leading up to the match is ever so much more exciting than the match itself. basically it involves flexing on your opponent until the adrenaline reaches the proper level, and a silent agreement allows the bout to commence. back in the day this pre-match hard-assness was allowed to continue indefinitely. some time ago, it was limited to 10 minutes, and then recently to four minutes.

in short, i've never had so much fun in japan, the two rikishi i was rooting for lost, and hakuho won the tournament with an impressive 15 and 0 record. at the green age of 25, i've heard tell that he is on track to be the winningest yokozuna ever. i left the venue wondering if i can take him, and also where i can score one of those sweet g-strings.

english time!!!

cigarette smokin' pieces of shit, entre.

and bagel.

oh boy, does she ever know muffin..... the best part about bad japanese english is it's startling efficiency.