it was tuesday boozeday, so anne and i decided to meet up in sannomiya (widely referred to as "snomes" or "ol' snomie") after she finished work. sannomiya represents the down town section of kobe, and i had yet to hit it up for nightlife. we went to a standing bar first. standing bars are these bars where you can only stand up. they are mostly full of scumbag cigarette smoking pieces of shit who love glaring at annie. don't be fooled, they're a great time! next stop was this fancy-shmancy wine bar with overpriced food. we just got some appies and figured we'd find cheaper food elsewhere.
last stop o' the night was one of those small family run operations that only seat about 10 people. it was awesome. as soon as we walked in, dude behind the counter mentioned something about "gaijin" (alien, or foreigner). we laughed and then he was all like "nihongo (japanese) blah blah blah!)" anne was all like "yup", then carried the bulk of the convo. we (anne) are (is) always a big hit in these places. some dude bought us beers. we made the mistake of looking and pointing at these tiny (maybe 4") squids in the glass case in front of us. intrigued that we'd never tried these, we recieved two free plates of four! man. they were steamed i think. i don't remember too much about the ordeal, mostly just chewing as fast as i could while forcing a smile. anne is allergic to the ol' shellfies, so i had to meal all eight-ski. to all potential visitors: don't point at anything unless you're prepared to eat it.
it's pretty cool actually. i get hooked up all over the f'in place. the other day i was hankerin' for a taste of home, so i decided some half-o bacon cheez-u steaks-u were in order. the veg man hooked up a free orange as i was leaving, literally tossing it to me like in one of those cheesy-ass 1930s scenes. the meat man had to cut me some fresh hog, and he hooked up the bacon butt. it's like a 1"x1"x12" slab of cured, seasoned meat.
---in a quick aside, you should really try the half bacon cheesesteak with some kobe beef action. it was a spicy tale indeed!---
went to the coffee man today, and he hooked it up as well. i got a free cup of coffee and 58 free grams-u of beans. also we exchanged language like always. i've yet to find the brewman who fires out the hook-ups. also useful would be a generous bread guy and maybe a lady who liberally doles out v-games.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
tha' jinx
i'd like to apologize to all you flyers fans out there. you see, all through the playoffs i stayed sober for the games. mostly cause they were at 8 in the morning. after the first period of game six though, i was all pumped that they had just tallied 2. in addition, i was like "man, japan is so sweet, i can just run to the brewser machine during intermission, even though it's 5 am!" i returned with the asahi-kirin combo to catch the rest of the action, and thus, the jinx. serves me right anyway. a true fan would have just had some beers for all the games.
chartreuse alert
modern liability has led to some pretty funny symantics. i think it'd be funny if the WHO was like "holy shit, we're all gonna die!", although they'd probably wait until there were only 10 of us left just to make sure. i think it's also funny that the only organism that can cause mass hysteria is the one that we can't kill, and nobody takes a time out from annihilating the rest to consider the irony. if ever there were a virus, or anything else, to wipe us out, you just have to say we had that one a-comin'. something in my human nature hopes that some other thing would wipe out whatever wiped us out though. just to even the score.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
sweet fuckin rules, bra.
here in ol' japang, there's a right way and a wrong way to do everything. it must be very difficult for people to individualize. i'm doing my best to learn, but i'm behind the curve already (being foreign is simply the wrong way).
apparently the wrong place to park your bike is next to the huge sign with a picture of a bike on it next to a fence surrounding a huge, open, concrete park. there was already another bike there, and it was next to about 3 hundred motorbikes.
came out' the gym to no bike. i was fairly sure it hadn't been stolen. i walked around for a while and tried the key in a few other bikes, all of which were nearly identical to anne's. no fuckin dice. then i spotted a team of little fuckin douchebags in jumpsuits loading all these bikes into the back of a large truck with spinning lights on it. i quickly ran over to explain that i didn't speak any japanese. the bike wasn't on the truck, and homeboy signalled toward the bus (bus-o) stop. i went over and found another set of jumpsuited douchebags with identical occupations. there i found the wheels, loaded in the front of the truck with about 15 other chumps' bikes blocking it in. they called over el capitan, who spoke a small bit of english. un-fucking-believably, they wouldn't let me pay to get it right there. i have to get on the goddamned train and go two goddamned stops and pay 2 thousand goddamned yens to get it back. "thank you (with a modifier denoting politeness)" i said. i wondered why i said that while walking away, and further wondered why i didn't just jump on the fuckin truck and take the bike. i doubt they would have stopped me, as they surely would have been dumbfounded by how wrong i was doing things.
apparently the wrong place to park your bike is next to the huge sign with a picture of a bike on it next to a fence surrounding a huge, open, concrete park. there was already another bike there, and it was next to about 3 hundred motorbikes.
came out' the gym to no bike. i was fairly sure it hadn't been stolen. i walked around for a while and tried the key in a few other bikes, all of which were nearly identical to anne's. no fuckin dice. then i spotted a team of little fuckin douchebags in jumpsuits loading all these bikes into the back of a large truck with spinning lights on it. i quickly ran over to explain that i didn't speak any japanese. the bike wasn't on the truck, and homeboy signalled toward the bus (bus-o) stop. i went over and found another set of jumpsuited douchebags with identical occupations. there i found the wheels, loaded in the front of the truck with about 15 other chumps' bikes blocking it in. they called over el capitan, who spoke a small bit of english. un-fucking-believably, they wouldn't let me pay to get it right there. i have to get on the goddamned train and go two goddamned stops and pay 2 thousand goddamned yens to get it back. "thank you (with a modifier denoting politeness)" i said. i wondered why i said that while walking away, and further wondered why i didn't just jump on the fuckin truck and take the bike. i doubt they would have stopped me, as they surely would have been dumbfounded by how wrong i was doing things.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
best part of wakin up
caught the early side of 4 am for the first time in several months yesterday. the occasion? flyers pens game three. honestly, i'll be happy with a series loss if the flyers play like that every game. definitely one of the most exciting hockey games i've ever watched, and i couldn't even follow the puck (sometimes the slingbox provides a sloppy picture. we'll call it "half-def"). fly-guys won with authority.
in less relevant news, i've been receiving a lot of bad press lately. there are some anonymous folks out there that simply can't handle the language used to illustrate Asian Mikey. in an unprecedented response, i've created a mirror-esque blog, Asian Mikey For Yo Momma (AMFYM). AMFYM will contain basically the same information, only with a little less color. if thy stomach be weak, please update your bookmarks. i'd hate for a couple of F words to alienate me readers, especially those so close to me 'eart.
in review:
www.asianmikey.blogspot.com: the same old s#!t
www.asianmikeyforyomomma.blogspot.com: slightly less fun version of the same old s#!t.
in less relevant news, i've been receiving a lot of bad press lately. there are some anonymous folks out there that simply can't handle the language used to illustrate Asian Mikey. in an unprecedented response, i've created a mirror-esque blog, Asian Mikey For Yo Momma (AMFYM). AMFYM will contain basically the same information, only with a little less color. if thy stomach be weak, please update your bookmarks. i'd hate for a couple of F words to alienate me readers, especially those so close to me 'eart.
in review:
www.asianmikey.blogspot.com: the same old s#!t
www.asianmikeyforyomomma.blogspot.com: slightly less fun version of the same old s#!t.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
bacon doggies
holy shit. not sure why everyone always raves about german engineering. true they pioneered early forms of the h-dog, but it took japanese brilliance to put it on a stick and wrap it in bacon. i was all hungry, pissing time away on the net, and decided to head out to the sev. i walked around for a while trying to figure out what all the pre-made meals contained before i spotted the stick meat section. i bought two of what looked like (and were) dogs, on sticks, wrapped with bacon. i wanted to take a picture and post it up here, but i couldn't stop eating them long enough. imagine gaping mouthfuls of perfectly seasoned hog, piping fresh from the microwave. surely i'll get pics up here soon, because i'll probably pick some up every time i walk by. there's absolutely no chance i return to the states without this culinary gem.
now a quick recap of the series so far:
the flyers fuckin suck. ok, maybe they don't suck, but they're clearly not as good as the penguins. what they lack in skill they'll need to cover with intensity, as they're down 0-2 heading to philly. i'm wearing my flyer's tee real hard all the time, but it doesn't seem to be helping. maybe santa will bring me a medium replica mike richards alternate jersey for christmas. in april.
now a quick recap of the series so far:
the flyers fuckin suck. ok, maybe they don't suck, but they're clearly not as good as the penguins. what they lack in skill they'll need to cover with intensity, as they're down 0-2 heading to philly. i'm wearing my flyer's tee real hard all the time, but it doesn't seem to be helping. maybe santa will bring me a medium replica mike richards alternate jersey for christmas. in april.
Monday, April 13, 2009
pee pants
in the states, there are many who will argue for, even kill for capitalism. i suppose it works well in many situations. however, i think an obvious downside is the constant need to update, change, and re-release a product that may have already worked well. in order to sell more, one will modify it, call it new, and it many cases render it useless. i think you'll all agree that this phenomenon is most prevalent in the urinal industry.
it's rather rare to find two restroom facilities equipped with identical pee receptacles. every once in a while you come across a urinal that works well, but in most cases, regardless of the attempted attack angle, you just get back-splash. i'd always dreamt of a magical porcelain structure, one in which all streams are deflected toward the drain rather than back on to my pants and feet.
then i moved to japan.
let me tell you, the facilities here are fantastic. i find myself chugging each and every liquid i can get my hands on in order to maximize water closet exploration opportunities. most of the urinals are of the long, deep variety, methodically engineered to promote pant dryness. i've yet to discover any troughs, and i'm thankfully hoping that the blunder never made it to this country.
but no, it doesn't stop there. the toilet seats are plugged in. to the wall. they have all sorts of buttons and gadgets on them which i can't yet read. they have little pictures though, and it looks like they serve some serious purposes which i won't discuss. most are heated. all toilets have a big (大) flush/small (小) flush option, even the one in the apartment! i haven't installed a heated seat yet due to economic factors, but the minute i find one second-hand, i'm hookin' it up.
to all those having a hard time imagining such a world, or just wondering how i got so lucky, you must come and visit.
now, some pitchers! none of restrooms yet, i'm working on it...
view of awaji island. this picture was taken quite a bit south of the flat, looking north to the akashi bridge (longest suspension bridge in the world). we might head to the island this weekend.
phonetically, this is pretty damn close.
random little temple near the hood.
view from the base of akashi bridge, looking toward awaji island.
this is the view of the island/bridge from closer to the spot.
himeji castle. we rocked the special rapid service train down there in about 40 minutes. didn't actually go in, figured we'd save that for some visitors. we walked around the outside though, held hands and discussed our feelings, 'neath the warmth of the sunshine, 'midst the blossoming cherries...
part of the castle. it really reminded me of playing tenchu stealth assassins. you get to run around on shit like this, then jump down and chop pussies heads off. kind of want to play it some more, but bro-han's got the piss-2.
walkin around the moat. huge carp in there.
view of awaji island at night, right near the spot. the green thing is a ferris wheel. suppose it's a park? maybe i'll find out this weekend.
it's rather rare to find two restroom facilities equipped with identical pee receptacles. every once in a while you come across a urinal that works well, but in most cases, regardless of the attempted attack angle, you just get back-splash. i'd always dreamt of a magical porcelain structure, one in which all streams are deflected toward the drain rather than back on to my pants and feet.
then i moved to japan.
let me tell you, the facilities here are fantastic. i find myself chugging each and every liquid i can get my hands on in order to maximize water closet exploration opportunities. most of the urinals are of the long, deep variety, methodically engineered to promote pant dryness. i've yet to discover any troughs, and i'm thankfully hoping that the blunder never made it to this country.
but no, it doesn't stop there. the toilet seats are plugged in. to the wall. they have all sorts of buttons and gadgets on them which i can't yet read. they have little pictures though, and it looks like they serve some serious purposes which i won't discuss. most are heated. all toilets have a big (大) flush/small (小) flush option, even the one in the apartment! i haven't installed a heated seat yet due to economic factors, but the minute i find one second-hand, i'm hookin' it up.
to all those having a hard time imagining such a world, or just wondering how i got so lucky, you must come and visit.
now, some pitchers! none of restrooms yet, i'm working on it...
view of awaji island. this picture was taken quite a bit south of the flat, looking north to the akashi bridge (longest suspension bridge in the world). we might head to the island this weekend.
phonetically, this is pretty damn close.
random little temple near the hood.
view from the base of akashi bridge, looking toward awaji island.
this is the view of the island/bridge from closer to the spot.
himeji castle. we rocked the special rapid service train down there in about 40 minutes. didn't actually go in, figured we'd save that for some visitors. we walked around the outside though, held hands and discussed our feelings, 'neath the warmth of the sunshine, 'midst the blossoming cherries...
part of the castle. it really reminded me of playing tenchu stealth assassins. you get to run around on shit like this, then jump down and chop pussies heads off. kind of want to play it some more, but bro-han's got the piss-2.
walkin around the moat. huge carp in there.
view of awaji island at night, right near the spot. the green thing is a ferris wheel. suppose it's a park? maybe i'll find out this weekend.Friday, April 10, 2009
mustard sucks
back in my McDays, i'd always special order the QPs "only ketchup". my taste buds evaded maturity for the longest time, and i think they were most comfortable in the womb. here in japan, i'm unable to offer "only ketchup", "no mustard", "hold the condies", or any other such explanation. i think it's helping me come around on the mustard thing. next stop: mayonaise.
i went to the osaka dome last night to watch the orix buffaloes play some other team. i think they were called the marines. the commute took about an hour and fifteen minutes, all by train. round trip fare was about 2300 yens, non-reserved outfield ran me 1700, and the double chee/large fry/5 piece combo was nine hundo. luckily, the asahi pounders were only 600! altogether a pretty pricey outing, but it was fun. plus i got a free shirt to show off my O-rix B-loes pride-ski!
the wierdest thing about being in japan is not knowing how to conduct transactions which i've been through hundreds of times in the past. the lack of english instruction renders simple things quite difficult, like buying a ticket and entering a stadium. after figuring that one out, i went to the noisiest fan section. it was the shit! everyone was beating drums, jumping on the bleachers, and chanting. there was even a brass band. i found a seat and got into the action for about 2 minutes, then realized i was in the visitors section. dude, those fuckin guys travel well!
things were way calmer after making it to the home section, but i had to rep my team. not many english speakers sitting nearby. i've never felt so comfortable yelling things like "get his ass!" and "that's fuckin bullshit!" right behind a pair of six year olds. my neighbor and i exchanged thumbs up now and then. he also understood "home run". his high-five was a bit weak, but i'm giving the whole country a crash course.
in addition to the regular vendors walking around, they have some folks with kegs of beer in backpacks firing out drafts. they had a t-shirt cannon like in the states, but they load it with McD's sandies. about 10 at a time. hilarious!
the b-loes came out on top 10-8.
i went to the osaka dome last night to watch the orix buffaloes play some other team. i think they were called the marines. the commute took about an hour and fifteen minutes, all by train. round trip fare was about 2300 yens, non-reserved outfield ran me 1700, and the double chee/large fry/5 piece combo was nine hundo. luckily, the asahi pounders were only 600! altogether a pretty pricey outing, but it was fun. plus i got a free shirt to show off my O-rix B-loes pride-ski!
the wierdest thing about being in japan is not knowing how to conduct transactions which i've been through hundreds of times in the past. the lack of english instruction renders simple things quite difficult, like buying a ticket and entering a stadium. after figuring that one out, i went to the noisiest fan section. it was the shit! everyone was beating drums, jumping on the bleachers, and chanting. there was even a brass band. i found a seat and got into the action for about 2 minutes, then realized i was in the visitors section. dude, those fuckin guys travel well!
things were way calmer after making it to the home section, but i had to rep my team. not many english speakers sitting nearby. i've never felt so comfortable yelling things like "get his ass!" and "that's fuckin bullshit!" right behind a pair of six year olds. my neighbor and i exchanged thumbs up now and then. he also understood "home run". his high-five was a bit weak, but i'm giving the whole country a crash course.
in addition to the regular vendors walking around, they have some folks with kegs of beer in backpacks firing out drafts. they had a t-shirt cannon like in the states, but they load it with McD's sandies. about 10 at a time. hilarious!
the b-loes came out on top 10-8.
Osaka Dome
the action
inside the dome-ski
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
the flash
it took a week and a half before i saw a naked japanese breast. her excuse was that she was 60 years old (and methinks quite loaded). it's nice to live in a society where age truly does gain one wisdom and respect. if i make 60, i'm totes coming to japan and exercising my rights.
not everything here in japang is so perverse. aside from the old ladies, most folks are not very intimidating, and real friendly like. the flat is in probably the best hood around. i spend most of my days making the home and touring the town, so i've seen a fair amount of it. i just ran outside to snap photos, but my batteries were depleted. remember this?
downtown kobe is about a 20 minute train ride east, so i don't make it there too much. i did get all gussied up in a new suit one day and head down there with intentions of applying for jobs. honest.
in an effort to feel like i'm still in touch, i ordered up a slingbox the other day. should arrive at the folks' tomorrow! a slingbox is a handy gadget that will allow me to control a dedicated cable box at my parents' house. hopefully it works in time for the nhl stanley cup playoffs, the race for which currently sees the philadelphia flyers in 4th place. i just need to convince my good buddy tony to buy a webcam and e-me in to his living room.
guess i'll get some batteries and post pictures soon, but not tonight. anne's getting home from work soon, and she'll be awful sore if supper ain't on the table. hot.
not everything here in japang is so perverse. aside from the old ladies, most folks are not very intimidating, and real friendly like. the flat is in probably the best hood around. i spend most of my days making the home and touring the town, so i've seen a fair amount of it. i just ran outside to snap photos, but my batteries were depleted. remember this?
downtown kobe is about a 20 minute train ride east, so i don't make it there too much. i did get all gussied up in a new suit one day and head down there with intentions of applying for jobs. honest.
in an effort to feel like i'm still in touch, i ordered up a slingbox the other day. should arrive at the folks' tomorrow! a slingbox is a handy gadget that will allow me to control a dedicated cable box at my parents' house. hopefully it works in time for the nhl stanley cup playoffs, the race for which currently sees the philadelphia flyers in 4th place. i just need to convince my good buddy tony to buy a webcam and e-me in to his living room.
guess i'll get some batteries and post pictures soon, but not tonight. anne's getting home from work soon, and she'll be awful sore if supper ain't on the table. hot.
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